Problematic Faves
1. Ian Somerhalder, Dec. 8
Bless his beautiful blue peepers, but Ian Somerhalder is thirsty for fame. He’s relatively harmless and does good work for animals, but what was that hard campaigning for Christian Grey? He interacts with his fans maybe just a bit too much.
2. Scarlett Johansson, Nov. 22
Scarlett is a well-known and critically acclaimed actress, and is part of one of the biggest franchises in history as Black Widow. Many people find her acting flat and with little range but some of her personal choices have been quite suspect. She was previously married to Ryan Reynolds and then dated Sean Penn. What is her taste? I personally haven’t been here for Scarlett Johansson since she picked her SodaStream spokesmanship over OxFam. People are also angry about her casting in Ghost in the Shell.
3. Taylor Swift, Dec. 13
Ahhh TayTay. The gushing love that ONTD had for her after 1989 came out has quickly vanished in a flame of fury. Her calculating nature has been revealed and her weird favoriting of tumblr posts show her to maybe have a bit of a narcissistic edge. Also, her boyfriend ALLEGEDLY indirectly got a bunch of ONTDers banned (I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU TUGGERNUTS) so fuck that. She’s been curiously silent since Adele’s record crushing release of 25.
4. Nicki Minaj, Dec. 8
Nicki is entertaining… as long as you don’t follow everything she says. Nicki was recently blasted for heavy use of Nazi imagery in the music video for "Only", and has been caught up in a few messy twitter wars. Speaking of... Miley, what's good?
5. Miley Cyrus, Nov.23
Miley. Miley, Miley, Miley. In distancing herself from her Hannah Montana days, she’s become an insufferably loud pothead. Gone are those nice backyard sessions. She’s just really annoying and try hard at this point. We were rooting for you during the Pilates days, girl!
6. Tyra Banks, Dec. 4
Tyra is amazing. She’s also incredibly self-centered. Did you know she started modeling at 15? And then when couture stopped booking her, she and her mama had pizza and decided to change her modeling course? And that she was the first black woman on the cover of Sports Illustrated? And that she went to Harvard? So do the rest of us because she never shuts up about it. She’s also scared of Naomi Campbell.
7. Anna Nicole Smith, Nov. 28
Anna Nicole Smith is just a tragic person. She had her son Daniel at the age of 17, then married oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall when she was 24 and he was 89 (it ended when he died in 1995), then became a Playboy bunny. She wanted a cut of her dead husband’s oil money and the case went all the way to the US Supreme Court! She had multiple problems with drugs and alcohol and all this came to a head after the birth of her second child Dannielynn. Her son was found dead of an overdose the day after his sister’s birth and Dannielynn’s biological father came to sue for paternity. The paternity case was not resolved when Anna was found dead in 2007 of an accidental overdose. She continues to fascinate people after her death.
Honorable mentions: Pope Francis, Frank Sinatra, Mo’nique, Judd Apatow, Manny Pacquiao, Sarah Silverman, Winston Churchill
Sagitarrian MESSES
1. Raven Symone, Dec. 10
If nu-black was in the dictionary, her face would be the describing picture. Raven went from being adorable child actress and entertaining Disney star to a hot, hot mess. She currently spouts idiocy on The View.
2. Woody Allen, Dec. 1
What’s there to say about Woody Allen? He’s a bastard who molested Dylan Farrow and very likely Soon Yi Previn, married poor Soon Yi, and is applauded in Hollywood. The sooner he falls into a volcano, the happier we’ll all be.
3. Reeva Steenkamp’s murderer (Oscar Pistorius), Nov. 22
He murdered his girlfriend and got only 5 years in prison in South Africa, and he might not even have to serve all five years. Prosecution in South Africa is trying to rebuild a case against him. Prior to all this he was best known for being an athlete with two prosthetic legs. Couldn't be bothered to find a gif of him, so enjoy this glamorous cow instead.
4. Mayim Bialik, Dec. 12
She has a Ph.D in neurobiology but is also against vaccines. An ONTD member actually asked her why she didn’t like vaccines and she waffled. Otherwise she’s best known as the star of 80s TV show Blossom, Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory, and breastfeeding her kids way past the age of two.
5. Ted Cruz, Dec. 22
Where do I fucking start with Ted Cruz? He’s a conservative Republic an Senator from who spews bile every time he opens his mouth. He hates women, is against gay marriage, contributed to the government shutdown, doesn’t believe in global warming, and thinks Ayn Rand is great. He’s the son of Cuban immigrants and was born in Canada, but don’t fret Canadians! He renounced his Canadian citizenship in 2014. This fucker is running for President, but he’ll never get in the Oval Office.
6. Ted Nugent, Dec. 13
Known for his music, Ted Nugent is at least an ephebophile, making himself the legal guardian of his second wife Pele Massa so he could be in a relationship with her. He a homophobe, hunts illegally, supports conceal carry laws, and is your standard Republican shitbag.
7. Kiefer Sutherland, Dec. 21
Son of evil dictator President Snow, Keifer's full name is Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland, to which all I can say is: fucking really? He’s had documented problems with alcohol, getting his fourth DUI in 2007, and headbutted fashion designer Jack McCollough, though the charges were dropped. Those DUIs are NAGL.
Honorable Mentions: Joseph Stalin, Andy Dick, Warren Jeffs, Ted Bundy, Aaron Carter, Peter Facinelli, Kaley Cuoco, Strom Thurmond
source: biography.com
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